Saturday, Dec 10
Watford v Everton (3-2):
Stefano Okaka scored two, the first an absolute beauty of a spinning back-heel, to condemn Everton to their fifth defeat. Everton gave up two goals off of corners, and looked to get back in the game with a Romelu “I talk about transferring away from Everton in every interview” Lukaku goal in the 86th minute, but alas it was not enough. Ronald Koeman and co. started out hot this season, but have regressed recently. At least Gerard Deulofeu takes a great portrait.
Arsenal v Stoke City (3-1):
Arsenal went down 1-0 in the 29th minute from a Charlie Adam converted penalty. Granit Xhaka conceded the foul in the box after he was adjudged to have elbowed Joe Allen in the head. Or he just turned around and accidentally elbowed Allen, who is about six inches smaller. Either way, Arsenal tied it up 1-1 in the 42nd minute through a Theo Walcott goal, which earned him a coffee maker from his wife.
Mesut Ozil and Alex Iwobi added the second and third goals, respectively, in the second half to bring the Gunners into second place. They will miss central defender Shkodran Mustafi for three weeks due to hamstring injury.
Burnley v Bournemouth (3-2):
Burnley continues to score only at Turf Moor and beat the Cherries after their 4-3 thriller with Liverpool last weekend. Jeff Hendrick scored an amazing volley from outside the box, while Bournemouth will feel hard done by an incorrect handball called on Benik Afobe as he put one in the back of the net.
Hull City v Crystal Palace (3-3):
Alan Pardew returned to the KCom Stadium for the first time since he headbutted an opposing player
. As a coach, mind you. Robert Snodgrass should’ve been sent off for diving in the box and getting a second yellow, but instead he was awarded a penalty and scored the resulting kick.
Swansea v Sunderland (3-0):
Bob Bradley’s Swans beat David Moyes’ Black Cats in a thrilling bottom-of-the-table clash. Sunderland reverted back to their dismal ways to remain bottom, while Swansea still remain in the relegation zone with 12 points. These two teams are really tough to watch.
Leicester City v Manchester City (4-2):
It looks like Jamie Vardy must have read my recap last week and wanted to have the last laugh. He absolutely tore apart John Stones, who looked like he really did not want to play soccer that day. Vardy ended up with hattrick to make Pep Guardiola “look inside himself
” before the Citizens take the field against Watford on Wednesday
Sunday, Dec 11
Chelsea v West Brom (1-0):
Delightful young man Diego Costa scored the only goal against a stubborn West Brom team to take Chelsea to top of the table (unless they get some points deducted
by the FA). Chelsea will surely remain at the summit unless the aforementioned bottom dwellers of Sunderland decide to actually play soccer.
Southampton v Middlesbrough (1-0):
Newcomer Sofiane Boufal’s goal placed Southampton in a three way tie with West Brom and Everton in the top half of the table. It was a Pyrrhic victory as the Saints lost Charlie Austin to another long term injury. In other news I still can’t find anything excited to say about Middlesbrough. Stay tuned though.
Manchester United v Tottenham (1-0):
Tottenham were beaten by a Henrikh Mkhitaryan goal in the 29th minute in a closely contested match in Manchester. Mr. Mkhitaryan was later punished for his goalscoring ways by a Danny Rose tackle that left him stretchered off the field. Maroaune Fellaini was booed by the home crowd when he was warming up. On the plus side, no bottles were harmed in the victory.
Liverpool v West Ham (2-2):
Liverpool dropped points again, this time to West Ham at home. Jurgen Klopp defended his under-fire goalkeeper Loris Karius by attacking the Neville Bros
. West Ham are still surprisingly at the bottom of the table. But they will surely surge to the top with man bun extraordinaire Andy Carroll.
WEEK 16 MATCHUPS
Tuesday, Dec 13:
Everton v Arsenal
Bournemouth v Leicester City
Wednesday, Dec 14:
West Ham v Burnley
Sunderland v Chelsea
Middlesbrough v Liverpool
Tottenham v Hull City
Stoke City v Southampton
Manchester City v Watford
Crystal Palace v Manchester United
West Brom v Swansea